Tuesday, February 9, 2016

One-Gloved Winter

I have gotten through this winter so far with one glove and I'm not even sure whose glove it is. Today, my gloveless hand braved the cold in my pocket while I walked my dog at 9 months pregnant.

I guess that's not saying much since it has been a pretty mild winter aside from the fact that we got the second biggest snowstorm in NYC history. Maybe I'm more resilient now because I'm pregnant. Maybe the universe is training me to get ready for (potentially) one of the hardest things I'll ever do so nothing seems as difficult.

Certain things don't phase me like they used to. I'm going to be a mother. This is a title and a privilege that I look forward to and it means I have to lead by example and teach my child how to approach the world with strength, strength that I now feel I am developing for the first time. I feel a sense of empowerment as she sits, kicks, stretches, yawns, in my belly. It's hard to put into words how I feel about creating an actual human being that will have her own thoughts, feelings, desires. For now, as her identity is shrouded in a little mystery, I have a clear sense of what's important in my life--family and pushing forward to a better future.  For the first time in my life, I feel beautiful. Of course, I don't mean the shine in my red hair or the glow in my green eyes, but the power within that I now, for the first time, feel a strong desire to share with others, without reserve. Hello, world! A rebirth.

She was due last Thursday and we're still waiting. A friend of mine said she was a diva so she'll come out when she's ready. Ready and wailing with half Logan and half Kerry lung capacity--which means she just might be a diva.

There is so much potential in bringing a baby into the world and raising her to be better than "us." That is what we aim to do, having as much fun, and sharing as much love on the way. In the meantime, I'm waiting to reach out with my ready and gloveless hand and hold our baby girl. Soon!